


help me hold on to you

by moodmaker



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avatar & Benders Setting, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Character Study, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Park Jisung (NCT)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodmaker/pseuds/moodmaker
Summary: Something strange is going on. No one wants to admit it, but they all know that it's true—thousands disappear from a Water Tribe village overnight, the sun scorches ritualistic designs into the fields of the Earth Kingdom, and every single firebender has lost their spark.Some kind of message from the Spirit World,is what they're chalking it up to.The world needs a hero,is what they decide.(Or: Jisung doesn’t think he’s Avatar material. Chenle disagrees.)
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 20
Kudos: 108
Collections: Director's Cut Fest





	help me hold on to you

**Author's Note:**

> massive thank you to mods for all their hard work on the fest and to lav and di for cheering me on! i'm not very happy with how this turned out but i hope you will enjoy reading anyway :')
> 
> title from the archer - taylor swift

At sixteen, Jisung runs away. It's more anticlimactic than he'd always thought it'd be—not that he regularly tries to run away, or even thinks about doing so semi-regularly, really—and the regret had set in long before he'd even tried to break out of his room, but he's already on the roof ledge. Might as well follow through.

_JISUNG: 1, THE FUCKED-UP ENTITY THAT WE RELUCTANTLY CALL THE UNIVERSE: INFINITY._

It's a clear night. In the morning they'll probably come looking for him; maybe call a search party, or something. Can't have the Avatar go missing the day before he's announced, right?

Jisung jumps.

He'll figure it out along the way.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**THREE YEARS AGO**

  


“Hottie alert, twelve o’clock.”

“Donghyuck,” Jisung sighs, not bothering to turn around. “How many times do we have to tell you—we don’t care that Mark just walked by.”

“Uh, yeah we do,” Jeno says, giving Jisung a look that says _wtf?????_ Jisung gives him one right back. _Love yourself!!!!_

Renjun steps in before Jeno can do anything to cut off Jisung's bloodline prematurely, like blast him off on a one-way trip to the moon or flatten him under a forty-ton rock (he has reason to be cautious, okay? Jeno actually did flatten Mark with a rock during last year's evals, only the rock was heart-shaped with Cupid's arrow sticking out of it and their initials were engraved together in elaborate cursive. The fallout had been, accordingly, "Bro, you like me?" (Mark), "Ummm. Um." (Jeno), "I guess evaluations are rescheduled." (Their teacher), and finally, "Told you we should've gone with the turtleducks!" (Donghyuck)).

“Don’t bother,” Renjun says gruffly, voice carrying just the slightest hint of disappointment. “It’s not Mark.”

“Damn,” Jeno sighs, just as Jisung looks up. “It’s not?”

Satisfied now that his audience is paying attention to him, Donghyuck leans in and says, "Yerim told me that they were going to do something with him, you know, after the last time it happened, but I didn't think that they'd send him here." His voice drops an octave. "Or that he'd bring eye candy with him, _helloooo._ "

"What are you talking about?"

Donghyuck exhales noisily. "You have to promise not to look."

"We won't," says Jeno.

"That's Zhong Chenle behind you. In the flesh. And I think that he's—guys, can't you at least try to be subtle?"

Jisung cranes his neck around just in time to see the second heir of the Fire Lord jumping off the edge of a palanquin, letting out a shriek as his foot catches at the last second, and tumbling to the ground in a heap of limbs. He emerges smiling not a moment later, hair ruffled and face marred by dirt, but mostly unharmed. Jisung wants to go and wipe the dirt off anyway.

"Wow," Donghyuck breathes out, eyes trained steadily on the guy who's actually wiping Chenle's face clean. Jisung squints, eyebrows furrowed, before the guy turns around and reveals himself to be Na Jaemin.

"Oh come on," Renjun groans, head in his hands. "You can do better than that."

"I know," Donghyuck replies, just as Jeno and Jisung retort, "No he can't."

"But he's new. Probably needs a welcoming committee." Donghyuck picks at his salad, which is his least favorite part of the new health regimen that he and Jeno are trying out. Jeno, because that's just how he is, and Donghyuck, because he's convinced that he'll look like Jeno afterward. Renjun and Jisung have graciously agreed not to tell him that it's probably more from the rocks Jeno throws around all day than anything that he eats or doesn't eat. Donghyuck tires out more easily this way.

"And besides," Donghyuck proclaims, theatrically throwing his arms out. "Who better than me to show him—did he just wink at me?"

Jisung turns around to see that Jaemin is, indeed, winking at Donghyuck. It'd be charming if Jaemin didn't somehow also find a way to make it look vaguely territorial and borderline menacing as well. Jisung looks to Jaemin's left, where Chenle stares at him in a mixture of awe, disgust, and grudging respect. Eventually respect must win out, because his features settle into some semblance of determination (only some semblance, because no one can take him seriously with a face like that) to turn toward Jisung and—get this—wink at him. Very clumsily. It looks like he got something in his eye in the process.

Renjun slams his head onto the table. "Another one bites the dust," responds Jeno sadly.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**ONE DAY AGO**

  


Something strange is going on. No one wants to admit it, but they all know that it's true—thousands disappear from a Northern Water Tribe village overnight, the sun scorches ritualistic designs into the fields of the Earth Kingdom, and every single firebender has lost their spark. _Some kind of message from the Spirit World,_ is what they're chalking it up to. _The world needs a hero,_ is what they decide.

"Do you think it's all connected?"

"Has to be," Chenle says, staring determinedly at his hand. For a moment a flame curls up, flickering along the edge, only to dissipate into smoke immediately afterward. "Damn it," he mutters.

Classes are cancelled for the day, on account of the Council coming. Usually a day off meant a rare opportunity to sneak into town, but Jisung had opted to stay behind. A gut feeling, of some kind. Chenle stays behind too.

"You know," Jisung begins, head pillowed against his hands, eyes trained on the sky above them. The sun looms the slightest bit larger than before. "They've got to be here because they think the Avatar's somewhere nearby."

"Somewhere here," corrects Chenle.

Jisung shrugs. "Not necessarily."

"I guess," Chenle concedes, before lying down on the grass next to him. "But how are you so sure that it isn't any of us? Donghyuck said that Yerim said—"

"You don't really think _they'd_ know any better than we do, do you?"

"I'm just saying!"

"Okay," Jisung snorts, eyes shut as a particularly piercing ray of light passes over them. "If that's what you think."

For a moment, silence falls between them.

"Hey."

Jisung cracks an eye open to find Chenle staring back at him, gaze uncannily sharp.

"Have you ever thought that it could be you?"

The wind picks up around them—rise, and then fall. Jisung's chest does the same.

"I think—"

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**THREE YEARS AGO**

  


"—he got thrown out because of corruption, probably." Donghyuck's whispering to their lunch table, but Donghyuck's whispering is about as effective as water going through a strainer. The entire lunch _room_ is now clued in.

"Corruption," states Renjun flatly.

"Maybe they're starting with the second heir to ease their way in. Lowers suspicion as well, you know?"

Jeno downs a protein shake and burps. "I'm sure the real story isn't that crazy."

"Sure it is," Donghyuck says, pausing so he can repeat the drink-and-burp routine. "Look, there's the Fire Lord, the first son, and then the second one. That's only three murders for the throne."

"Your inclination toward murder is only slightly startling," Jeno remarks, just as Renjun counters with, "But they never murdered him?"

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "Come on, boarding school is practically the same thing."

Jisung frowns. "Then why drag Jaemin into it?"

"Honeypot," Donghyuck concludes after a bit of thought. "Obviously."

It was a respectable theory, as far as Donghyuck's theories go. They've definitely read about something similar happening in the tabloids once. Jisung was wholly content to let the theory be, which mainly meant a) referring to them as "the soon-to-be murder victim and his sexy assassin" (Donghyuck's request), b) collecting intel against them so that the headmaster would have no choice but to expel them (again, Donghyuck's request), and c) pretending that they didn't exist (you already know).

He breaks all three just one week in.

"So," Jisung starts, voice unsure. "I guess I lucked out, huh?"

Chenle blinks back at him. "What?"

They've just been partnered for a history project—on the Fire Nation, no less. When the pairings had been announced Renjun made no indication that anything was out of the ordinary, Jeno shot him an encouraging smile, and Donghyuck did a cross over his chest, twisted in his seat, and mouthed, clear as day, _thinking of you!_

Jisung laughs nervously. "I just mean that, uh, I'm lucky to have you as a partner. You probably know everything, right?"

For some reason, this is absolutely hilarious to Chenle. He lets out an ear-splitting series of sounds that Jisung later realizes is supposed to be laughter before eventually slowing down to a gentle wheeze.

"Oh my god," he says between giggles, a hand coming up to wipe at his eyes. "That's funny."

The rest of the room is doing that thing where they're looking at them but pretending not to look at them. "Um, what?"

"Huh?"

Jisung clears his throat. "What's funny?"

"Oh," Chenle grins, gesturing vaguely. "That you think I know anything about Fire Nation history."

"You... don't?"

"Nope," Chenle says, as if it's not the nation that he'll literally rule over one day.

Jisung takes a moment to process that.

"I probably should," Chenle shrugs, nonchalant. "But I accidentally set fire to the last three tutors that got sent my way. I'm starting to develop a bit of a reputation."

"You—" Jisung sputters, unable to come up with the words to react fast enough. "You—you did what?"

"Set them on fire." Chenle shrinks slightly in his seat. "Got tired of studying."

"Yeah," Jisung exhales. "Totally."

"I know," Chenle sighs, looking glum. "It probably wasn't the right thing to do." He straightens up suddenly and beams at Jisung. "But it got me here!"

"Got you here?"

"Well, no one was exactly eager to tutor me after all that. So I had to do it the old-fashioned way."

"I... see."

He does not see.

"So now you know," Chenle says, pulling the textbook toward him. "We're on even ground for this thing, yeah?"

"Yeah," Jisung grins, slowly. "I guess we are."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**FOUR HOURS AGO**

  


They're lined up in rows. It's standard evaluation procedure, but this time tensions are high. Probably something to do with the fact that the Council's sitting right up there alongside their teachers, because, yeah, one of them's the Avatar.

Unsurprisingly, Jeno and Renjun had both bet on Mark. Jaemin bet on Donghyuck, to which Donghyuck, feeling both strangely flattered and offended, responded by betting on Jaemin. Jisung bet on Yerim, just for the heck of it. Chenle bet on him.

"Bad call," Donghyuck whistled, but scooped away the money Chenle put out anyway.

"I don't think so," Chenle smiled, looking right at Jisung. "I've got a feeling."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**ONE YEAR AGO**

  


There's a small hill out back, just beyond reach of the school walls. Sometimes they go during class so that the firebenders can do their worst without worrying about harming anyone. Other times they go because the weather's nice and the grass is soft.

Jisung's not here for either of those reasons.

Two hours ago he'd stood in front of everyone, held tightly onto his glider, and promptly flunked. Every other airbender had taken off.

How had Renjun put it? The only way to overcome fear is to expose yourself constantly to it. The same way that you rip off a band-aid all at once, instead of bit by bit. Fear can only be dealt with in excess.

Jisung stands on the cliffside built into the back of the hill, overlooking a small ravine that runs down into the lake. The water is swirling and dark.

He takes a breath to steady himself.

"You don't have to jump," a voice cuts in.

Jisung opens his eyes to find Chenle standing at the top of the hill, looking out at him.

"Yeah," Jisung sighs, raking a hand through his hair. "I do."

Chenle stares at him for a long moment. "Fine," he says eventually, flopping down on the grass. "Then I'll watch you."

Jisung turns back around. Unfortunately this isn't the first time that he's been up here, nor is it the first time Chenle's found him like this either. For all his talk about fear, the truth is that Jisung's always been the kind of person to start from the shallow end of the pool.

He looks down again.

"It's okay," Chenle says softly, as if it's that simple. As if there isn't a certain kind of irony in being deathly afraid of heights as an airbender.

Jisung tips his head back. "No it's not."

If his life were a movie, this would be the part where the music crescendos and he leaps into the air, free falling before pulling himself together right as he reaches the water. Instead, he turns around. Picks his way down from the cliff.

Chenle watches him go. "Heading back?"

"Yeah," Jisung says quietly. "I am."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**FOUR HOURS AGO**

  


They say that somehow, you just _know_ that it's you. Yunho knew because he accidentally torched a warship in a fit of passion, which shouldn't have been possible as a waterbender. Taeyeon knew because the bone trigrams said so. Chanyeol knew because of what the Fire Sages told him on his sixteenth birthday, though he'd long suspected as such.

Jisung knows, because he steps up for his evaluation, locks eyes with the Council, and something rights itself inside him. Like a lock clicking open, or a puzzle piece snapping into place. Easy and natural. Like it's all he's ever done. Like he was born for it.

 _Oh,_ he thinks.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**ONE DAY AGO**

  


"—that'd be awful." Jisung clears his throat. "I'm no hero."

"No," Chenle shrugs, pulling tufts of grass out from the ground every now and then. Jisung watches as they scatter in the breeze.

"But you don't have to be."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


**30 MINUTES LATER**

  


In the end he turns back. Chickens out, like he always does. Makes his way to the stairway in his dorm building and idles there, unwilling to go back to his room and make it feel permanent. Whatever nerve he'd worked up before has long since fizzled out, leaving him to deal with what's left over. Fear, mostly. Doubt too.

It's like, whenever he finally gets close to actually doing something, finally readies himself for the fall or starts to believe again, his body self-destructs in response. Like he either does everything perfectly by the book or messes up so much that it isn't worth it anymore.

There's no outrunning fear—this, Jisung knows. In the morning the Council will announce his name and the world will rejoice, thinking that their savior has come. In the morning he won't belong to himself but to a collective, something intangible, something bigger than all of them combined.

So much is out of your hands. You can only make do with what's left. 

"Hey," someone says, and Jisung doesn't even need to look to know who. "Saw you out there."

"Yeah, well." Jisung scoots over to make room for Chenle on the stairs. "I'm back now."

"Why'd you run?"

He shrugs. Hard to whittle that one down into one vague, noncommittal answer.

"It shouldn't be me," he says instead.

Chenle humors him. "Who do you want it to be?"

"You," Jisung replies immediately. "Or Mark, or Donghyuck, or Jaemin, or whoever. It's just—"

"You jumped."

"What?"

"I saw you," Chenle nods at the ceiling, indicating the roof. "You jumped. Didn't even think twice."

"That's—that's different."

"How so?" Chenle asks, a growing smile on his face. "You're more capable than you think you are."

"You think so?"

"Yeah Jisung," Chenle grins, looking right at him. "I do."

Because there’s no outrunning fear—doesn’t Jisung know that better than anyone?

“Thanks,” he says, sincerely.

So then: it’s time to run right toward it.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you thought and/or come find me here! ⟶ [twitter](https://twitter.com/mythsick) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/elsewhere)


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